Forget Me Not Vol 1: Chapter 8

 Chapter 8

     "Peace be upon you!", greeted Hady meeting him by chance. "Peace be upon you, too!", greeted I back while pursuing my passive aggressive attitude. I could him staring at me walking away, not saying anything. I need some air! So I went to the buffet to have a croissant and some green mint tea for some clarity. Sometimes, I just wanna screen as hard and loud as I can. Believing that it would help me feel better… I walked out of the inn, it was six in the morning. Not a lot of people seemed to be awake at that time, I kept walking. Walking as an INFJ makes me feel better, whilst doing so I talk to myself. Most of the time… Most of my life… Maybe because so far, no human could ever understand me. Maybe because so far, no one could ever calm the storms inside of me. I'm an overthinker/feeler, what power could someone have over me to calm me down? Don't tell me love because I no longer believe in such stuff. Maybe it's the way humans overuse it, it created resistance against its belief. Humans leave, that's a fact! I don't want to beg for anyone to stay or force anyone to leave either… They said keep the windows open and same for the doors and watch what they would do. So I keep watching… But I can't help myself from wondering whom I would end up with! Can they take me just the way I am? Will they choose me amongst all?!!! We INFJs should have a new name concerning relationships, called: "If things go wrong…". Maybe we were just born to ALWAYS be the LAST choice for anyone. The LAST resort! The Back up plan… 

     "Going somewhere?", a familiar voice interrupted. No kidding, it was the old lady! "For a walk…", pointing my head towards the forest. "Omega… Would you like to have a walk with Heba?", the old lady whistled for Omega. Omega ran fast towards me and was barking strongly at me, forbidding me to go there on my own. "Well, it seems he already made up his mind…", I shrugged my shoulders knowing it would be useless trying to stop him. He seems to be attached to me whenever I'm in trouble… 

     "What are you Omega, my guardian angel or my partner in trouble?", I started talking to Omega. He is quite a listener and a protector as well. "Omega… You seem to know the forest like the back of your paw! Surprise me…", signaled to him with my whistle to lead the way. His pace turned faster, starting to sniff around for something. I wonder where the next weird thing would be in this weird adventure! I pursued my walking, dissociating into four; Mind, Heart, Body and Soul. For INFJs, it's essential for us to listen to what they have to say. They seem, thanks to Allah, to always have a message to deliver. That's where our job comes, Solitude! Like the striking of lightning, come the answers… 

Omega stopped, started stepping with his paws and then ran off. Trouble here we come! It's true that I'm a Skywalker, but also a Maze runner as well… I run from any attempt to deprive me of my freedom. That's why I built those barriers! It kills me… And that's not how I'm planning on dying! I wanna live and die the right way, for my soul's peace… "Omega… Where are you?!!!", I lost track of him. I whistled MAMA's lullaby, now that I know that I'm a Heyoka. Like mother, like daughter! Right? I followed his barking only to find him lying beside the frozen lake… It was beautiful, it could sing! But it's Autumn, so you have to be careful… The ice isn't strong enough to hold you! I couldn't help myself but sit down with him and get out my breakfast. "Here boy… You must be starving!", I gave him a treat that the old lady handed me out when I first met him. He wagged his tail, so happy to see his reward. And chilling out whilst enjoying it, what a beautiful morning! 

     "Omega… Come on! They must be worried…", I stood up signaling to him by whistle. Omega stretched out, before following me up. I was bored, so I whistled. I whistled with whatever melody that came to my mind, unleashing my powers. Feeling the rhythm and flow of notes. I love to whistle sad stuff maybe because I'm full of grief and agony. Sometimes I feel that I'm calling someone out, someone that I have lost a long time ago. I don't know who, but it seems like my eyes keep scanning for that person wherever I go. I tried to stop, but I couldn't! My soul was fighting me back, telling me to stop holding it back. Telling me to let her be what she was meant to be! I'm like fire, the right amount can keep you warm. But when things get out of control, bad things happen! Terrible things, crumbling to my fetal position… Scared of how powerful I could get and how much harm I could cause. Water calms me down! That's why I like being close to it… It puts off my fire when things get out of control, when I get into my loop! I have always felt like I was from a different time and place, put in this worn out vessel, fitting with everyone yet not fitting anywhere. A vessel that could change itself to fit anywhere, but not permanently. Just for the time! I thought I was the only one, but it seemed that I had a soul family. People who were different like me and people who were different than me. Maybe that's why I'm gravitated towards INTPs because they too NEVER quite fit in. I have met lots of INTPs, but so far no one quite intrigued me. And I wonder every single day, who can? Who has the power to captivate me? To put off my fire when it starts to eat everything around me? A twin flame? Is he whom my eyes have been looking for the WHOLE time? Was he the one I lost? How would I know? They say when you meet your twin flame, both of you would feel it! But, how does it feel so I could know it when I feel it? I wished it had a description… A specific feature… A sign! But, all I got was those soul searing INFJ eyes… Praying to Allah that they would help me see the truth! 

     "Well done, Omega!!!", rubbing his fur because he successfully managed to get us out of the forest. Mariam was waiting for us, trying to appear calm, but I know her. Most of the time, Mariam tries to hide out her emotions. But, what she doesn't know is that she can't hide it away from me. I can see through her, that I know the times she lied and the times she didn't. She has commitment issues, but she is good at affirmations. Which makes her good at short stories! She is not very good at apologizing, which for an INFJ isn't that good. We fight a lot, but we get back again. She is The Protagonist and I'm her Counselor. She is great, but sometimes I don't feel like she knows so. She is over confident which mostly backfires at her, but I still love her. Out of all The Squad, I find myself focusing with her details more and more, day by day. I don't know why, maybe because she was the one who adopted me into The Squad… I once saw her slightly tearful, it was beautiful! But, the thing is she doesn't like to appear vulnerable in front of anyone so I hid her tears away from the world. I still love her and I would always love her… Mariam expresses her love through scolding, it's funny but I don't like it that much because I'm an HSP… But, other people seem to be okay with it. So I told her about it, knowing that you can't change someone. You just have to love them the way they're, so I made her MY exception! She hit me and scolded me hard for leaving that way, to the extent that Omega started to feel the tension and barked at her that Mariam backed off. "Are you done?!!!", checked I sarcastically. Mariam didn't reply, but she was still furious and mad at me. "Do you want to go with me to the Old Lady's cabin?", asked her in an attempt to rest her mind and heart from anxiety and agitation. "You're kidding, right?!!!", Mariam doubted while looking carefully into my eyes to see if I was or not. But, then she started to calm down after feeling that I did not seem to be so… 

     I knocked on the door three times, to find her opening the door suddenly and seemingly surprised to see us. We had to get Omega back to her and we needed to talk about lots of stuff. I don't feel like I am who I used to be, something is off! It seemed that we weren't alone, Hady was here too… What could bring him here and Chris? "Oh, my dears come in! Here you go…", the Old Lady greeted us whilst handing us invitation cards for an event they're holding seemingly it's a tradition of theirs as goodbye for their visitors and a box of clothes. "I hope you find your right size, darlings… But for you Heba, that's a gift from all of us! It was your Mom's dress…", she handed me it wrapped in paper and ribbon. Unwrapping it, I witnessed beauty I have never witnessed before. It was Wisteria colored, seemingly handmade and painted as well." Oh… That dress, Aurora made it herself and the dye as well! From nature, she insisted… She made us promise her to keep it for YOUR arrival!!! Now excuse us, we have to leave…", Chris left after adieuing us whilst Hady waited outside the whole time playing with Omega and taking care of him upon The Old Lady's request." It's beautiful Madame… ", I hugged it tight to my chest whilst closing my eyes and smelling it as deeply as I could hoping it would reach my soul to feel her presence. Hoping that it would be equivalent to a hug from her. We left, but before I gave her a tight hug hoping that it would express my gratitude enough. 

     "We're back!", Mariam announced so all of them could hear her. "Oh My God!!! You scared us to death, Heba!", Menna scolded with the rest expressing how mad they were at me. "Open up!", distracting them because I don't like being yelled at. "White dresses…Are we getting married?!!!", Toka asked whilst waiting for my response. "Noooo...We're invited to a story telling tradition! The Old Lady gave us white dresses so we can paint them with natural paints based on our characters' color(s)... Come on OR we're gonna miss it!!! It starts at 8:00 pm near the fireplace." Salma counted out the dresses ONLY to find one missing then looking back at me to ask:" There's still one missing?!!! " Not leaving her to assumptions, I comforted her by showing her my dress to say:" I already have one… " They all gathered around me, marveling the dress and hugging each other out of happiness. "Is it used?", Sarah doubted. "Oh God No!!! It's my MAMA's dress… She left it out for me, a heritage!", I hugged the dress again smelling it deeply. I could feel her love for me. I could feel what other people feel by touch, that's why I'm quite selective about whom I let in my life. I'm a Heyoka! The thing about me is that I know lots of stuff, but just don't know quite how to name them. I have always been that square peg… Anyway, let's paint!